The heartwarming story of Billy Mayfair’s move from Arizona to Oklahoma after his autism diagnosis

Lots of times when Billy Mayfair tells other pro golfers about his offseason move from Arizona to Oklahoma, they automatically assume it was his wife’s idea.

Tami Mayfair, after all, has deep roots in Oklahoma.

Her dad, Art Proctor, was a longtime pro at Kickingbird. She started playing at the Edmond golf course when she was 5, and over the years, she won tons of junior and amateur tournaments around the state.

Billy quickly tells people the move to join the ranks of pros living in Oklahoma wasn’t Tami’s doing.

“She’s kind of getting blamed for it, but it was me,” he said with a laugh. “It was me. It was my decision.”

But it’s a decision both have embraced.

As Billy Mayfair prepares to begin his PGA Tour Champions season this week at the Chubb Classic in Naples, Fla., he believes the move to Oklahoma may be the last piece in what has been a complex puzzle. He was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder three years ago. It was a late-in-life diagnosis — he was 53 at the time — but he has seen opportunities in the days since he received the news.

It has given him a chance to live a fuller, happier life.

It has also provided Billy and Tami a chance to help others.

“It touched other people,” Billy, now 55, said recently while sitting in the kitchen of their Edmond home. “It’s worth every second of it.”

But he wasn’t so sure of that initially.

Tami long suspected Billy might be on the autism spectrum. Some of his behaviors tipped her off. He became flustered easily. He never seemed to know when she needed a hug. He rarely had rational exchanges with rules officials on the golf course, either submitting to them or yelling at them.

Billy’s struggles with officials bubbled over during the Champions Tour Invesco QQQ Championship in 2019. A pair of rules interpretations led to a disqualification, and the story blew up.

The headline on Golf Magazine’s story: “Anatomy of a DQ.”

Another publication called it “the strangest DQ of the year” while another said simply, “Oh, Billy Billy Billy.”

As Billy dealt with the aftermath, Tami suggested as she had several times before that he consider being tested for autism. He had always said no — “Everyone else was different,” Billy said of his mindset. “I was normal” — but his disqualification caused some serious soul searching. Finally, he agreed to testing.

A battery of tests revealed his autism spectrum disorder, or ASD, a high-functioning level similar to Asperger’s syndrome.

“All of a sudden,” Billy said, “a light bulb went off.”

He started to see answers to questions he’d long had.

“Why was school this way?” he said. “When I dated, why was I this way?”

He doesn’t always process information as quickly as others. So, when a rules official is explaining a situation, for example, Billy may not put all of the information together as easily as some people.

It’s not that he can’t understand at all. He often just needs additional time to process.

In the months after his diagnosis, Billy spent lots of time talking with doctors, working with psychologists and reading books. The pandemic pause in early 2020 gave him even more opportunities to develop coping strategies to deal with difficult moments.

One of the things he does is take stock of the weather conditions when he arrives at the course for a tournament. Wind can especially change the plan for the day, so on especially windy days, Billy will sit in the car for a few minutes and think through how the conditions may affect club selections and shot options.

Pro golfer Billy Mayfair recently moved to Oklahoma to be closer to wife Tami’s family. But he says the move has helped him as he adjusts to life and golf with autism. He was diagnosed only a couple years ago, and even though it came late in life, the diagnosis has been life changing. (Photo by Doug Hoke/The Oklahoman/USA Today Network)

Only after he’s done with that mental checklist does he head for the clubhouse to start getting ready.

Another thing that helps Billy deal with his autism spectrum disorder is being in places that are calm, quiet and serene. Over the past few years, he has felt less calm and quiet living in the Phoenix area.

The population has boomed, and it feels different.

Last spring, Billy came to Oklahoma for the KitchenAid Senior PGA Championship. Even though it was in Tulsa at Southern Hills, he and Tami flew into Oklahoma City and stayed a few days with her brother.

“And it was just so peaceful and calm,” Billy remembered.

Billy Mayfair tees off at the first hole during the Chubb Classic Pro Am, Wednesday, April 14, 2021, at the Tiburon Golf Club in North Naples.
He started thinking almost immediately about leaving Arizona for Oklahoma, and when he finally mentioned the idea to Tami, she balked.

“You’re Mr. Arizona,” she told him.

It is the only home Billy had ever known. He was born and raised in the Phoenix area. Went to college there at Arizona State. Made his home there in the offseason, too, ever since he went pro.

But the more Billy and Tami talked about moving to Oklahoma, the more he sold her on the idea. The day after the Senior PGA Championship wrapped — Billy finished tied for 30th — the Mayfairs looked at a few houses.

A couple months later after Billy finished the U.S. Senior Open Championship in Omaha, they drove to Oklahoma City to sign the papers and close on their new house.

This offseason, they spent time getting unpacked and settled, but they also devoted time to their next endeavor, The Billy and Tami Mayfair Foundation. They plan to offer help and support to those who help and support people with autism.

Helping the helpers, if you will.

Tami was following Billy during a tournament last season when she overheard some dads in the gallery talking about one of their sons who had Asperger’s. She approached the men and admitted she had overheard their conversation.

“You guys have kids on the spectrum?” she asked.

“Yeah,” one of the dad’s said. “Do you have one?”

“Yeah,” Tami said, pointing toward the green where Billy was putting, “he’s out there.”

Billy Mayfair joined the ranks of pro golfers who call Oklahoma home. He moved here because of a late-in-life diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder. (Photo by Doug Hoke/The Oklahoman/USA Today Network)

She spent the rest of the round walking with the men and talking with them about her experiences helping Billy with his autism. After she mentioned their plans for the foundation, one of the dads grabbed her arm, started to cry and implored her to help families like his.

“I’ve got three kids,” he said, explaining his youngest was the one with autism. “The middle daughter, we’re losing her, she’s drowning.”

Tami exchanged numbers with the father and has since connected him with several professionals who can help, but Billy and Tami want to offer that kind of assistance on a broader scale. Many groups provide support for the autistic. The Mayfairs believe there’s a void for the siblings, parents and grandparents of someone with autism.

Billy felt convicted about that mission last season, too, during a tournament in Michigan.

After a long third day — he’d had to finish Friday’s round on Saturday, then play Saturday’s round — he was approached by a man who had come with a group of autistic kids. They heard about Billy’s diagnosis, and they decided to come and support him.

“Would you talk to the kids?” the man asked Billy.

He was tired, but he agreed.

“And as soon as I started talking to them, my energy went right up,” he said.

He talked to the kids for nearly an hour.

He got in the car afterward and called Tami. She was expecting to hear an exhausted voice, but instead, Billy was talking a mile a minute. Being with that group of kids and their parents had invigorated him.

He could see how the kids and adults alike soaked up every word.

“That brings me joy,” Tami said. “Now, it comes full circle. Now, we can make a difference. Now, we can turn this lemon into some serious lemonade.”

Billy and Tami Mayfair can hardly believe how their lives have changed over the past few years. They feel like their path has been illuminated, and in many ways, they believe their move to Oklahoma as a significant part of that journey.

They aren’t at the end, but they can get where they want to go from here.

“I’m very happy here,” Billy said. “We’re very content.”

Jenni Carlson: Jenni can be reached at 405-475-4125 or jcarlson@oklahoman.com. Like her at facebook.com/JenniCarlsonOK, follow her at twitter.com/jennicarlson_ok, and support her work and that of other Oklahoman journalists by purchasing a digital subscription today.