Lynch: Greg Norman is already excited about a Masters victory party, proving he’ll never learn

AUGUSTA, Ga. — Among the many life lessons one might expect Greg Norman to have absorbed by age 68, the danger of prematurely planning victory parties at Augusta National ranks high. And yet the Great White Pilot Fish is eagerly anticipating celebrations this week at the Masters. Since any prospective festivities aren’t dependent on Norman closing, there’s a chance they might happen, though he won’t be joining since in these precincts he’s about as welcome as diarrhea in a space suit.

The 88-man field at the 87th Masters numbers 18 players from LIV Golf, Norman’s Saudi-funded breakaway tour. Six of them are past champions. Most of the remaining 12 — and some of the six — would deem a win this week to be the crowning achievement of their career. One wonders if it gives any of them pause to know that their CEO intends to cheapen their accomplishment by weaponizing it in his ongoing battle with the PGA Tour and golf’s establishment.

In an interview with NewsCorp, Norman said that if a LIV player wins then all 17 of his fellow travelers will be waiting behind the final green to make a statement.

“No matter who it is, they are all going to be there on the 18th green, they are all going to be there, and that just gives me goosebumps to think about,” he said, exhibiting commendable faith that all of his foot soldiers will still be in town then. “To have those 17 other guys there, that’s the spirit we want.”

Setting aside Norman’s unimpeachable authority on the power of goosebumps on Sunday at the Masters, the “spirit” he presents as camaraderie could also be seen as churlish grandstanding, diminishing the peak of a man’s career in order to score points that his product can’t deliver on its merits. And it could happen.

This is the first Masters held in the freshly cleaved world of professional golf and the 18 LIV competitors comprise a fifth of the field. The odds are reasonably high that at least one of them will have a good week and play their way into contention, perhaps even into a green jacket. Someone like Dustin Johnson, who won the pandemic-delayed edition in November 2020.

“If I’m playing the way I should, I’ll be right there at the end,” he said Monday.

Johnson’s preparation was finishing 7th in a LIV stop at Orange County National’s Crooked Cat course in Orlando, widely considered among the worst layouts in a town that doesn’t have any great ones. Brooks Koepka won that 54-hole event. He’s performed well previously at Augusta National himself and is a legitimate threat to do so again. Same for Cameron Smith, the reigning Open champion, who has a pair of top-three finishes here. Or perhaps we’ll have a bulletin week from Joaquin Niemann, who said “hate” from anti-LIV players is driving his cohorts to prove a point, which in his case would be logging any finish better than his career-best tie for 23rd in a major.

Whoever slips into the Green Jacket on Sunday will be a deserving winner. But a popular one? That’s not as certain.

The presence of LIV players undeniably adds frisson to this Masters, but that’s not much welcomed by Augusta National’s members who don’t consider unseemly sniping and palpable tension as enhancing their tournament. Many a contender has had a sleepless night before the final round of the Masters, but if Patrick Reed is within reach of a second title at the close of Saturday’s play then some green jackets will have an equally restless time clutching rosary beads or karmic charms.

It will be dispiriting if a victorious LIV player sees his triumph conscripted in service of Norman’s grievances, reduced to a prop in his flailing sideshow. But it wouldn’t be the first time a Masters champion saw his moment devalued because of the flaxen-haired finger puppet’s shortcomings—Larry Mize and Nick Faldo were given less than their due because Norman snatched defeat when victory seemed ordained.

That Greg Norman openly hopes to fashion a hollow victory for LIV from another man attaining his lifelong dream, that he is hating vicariously through others, is reason enough to hope that he experiences one last, gutting Masters disappointment.