Opinion: Avert your eyes as defending Memorial champion Billy Horschel melts down at Muirfield with an 84

DUBLIN, OHIO — Five seconds. Ten seconds. Awkward silence. Fifteen seconds. Billy Horschel was a beaten man, brought to the lowest point of his golf career.

Twenty seconds, which is a long time for a PGA Tour player to stand in front of a microphone, head bowed, and concentrate on not crying. It is saying something that it was easier for Horschel, the defending Memorial Tournament champion, to shoot a stomach-sickening 84 Thursday than it was to hold it together when a reporter asked, “Is this a day you just hug your kids and move on?”

But the question prompted another one: move on to what? Where do you go when the job you have excelled at for nearly 15 years suddenly feels like trying to learn a foreign language. Like an accountant who can’t add. A firefighter who is afraid of smoke.

You go to dark places, that’s where.

Someone reminded the 36-year-old Floridian that earlier in the week he explained how he was still struggling with his golf swing, but that things were trending up.

But from the jump Thursday, the hoped-for improved swing was nowhere to be found. By the end of 18 miserable holes, Horschel had entered the Memorial record book as carding the highest opening round of any defending champion. His 12-over afternoon slotted him 118th out of 119 golfers.

“Yeah, I mean it’s tough right now,” he said, composing himself enough to speak without breaking down. “I mean, I’m working really hard, trying to do the right things.”

But …

“My confidence is the lowest it’s been my entire career; I think ever in my entire golf life.”

MEMORIAL: Muirfield bares its teeth | Leaderboard

In that moment, only the heartless would feel no compassion for Horschel.

But golf, being heartless, felt nothing. It is a brutal game. Untamable. Unbeatable. Undefeated when inflicting misery on even the best players in the world, which Horschel is. Just not on this day, when his game resembled a California mudslide. At several points, Horschel’s hat covered his face more than his head as he pulled it down to conceal his pain.

What high-handicapper can’t relate? On any given swing, the vast majority of amateur golfers are about 40 percent sure where their ball will go. About 80 percent of the time they’re wrong, and seldom to their advantage. But the pros? The guys who always finish with their belt buckle to the target and drain 5-foot putts like they’re gimmes believe the ball obeys their command. That belief is central to their success.

But when it wavers? Ask David Duval or Ian-Baker Finch about that. They had it. Lost it. And never found it.

Here is hoping Horschel is on a different path. It shows character to shoot 84 and then stand before the media willing to relive the grenade burst that played out in front of thousands of spectators, many of whom think they could have shot a better score. (Note: You couldn’t have. Horschel’s horror was exacerbated by brutal conditions: swirling winds, thick rough, dry fairways that forced balls to roll through fairways into waterways and greens that were receptive on the front nine and deceptive on the back. The field scoring average of 74 was the highest in a first round since 2000.)

Horschel faced the funeral music like a struggling starting pitcher who gets yanked after two innings but instead of showering and getting the heck out of Dodge sticks around to answer media questions after the loss. Attaboy, Billy.

“I’m not able to hit the cut the way I want. I can’t get the ball to start left the way I want,” he explained, again sounding like a pitcher who lost his fastball. “So when it comes down to having to be more precise on a course like this, it’s tough.”

He almost certainly only needs to be precise for one more day, because unless he shoots in the low-60s Friday he’s not playing into the weekend.

Not that it can’t happen.

Despite his despair, Horschel still insists his game is close to rebounding. Regardless, he will give it his best shot, even if it nearly kills him.

“As much as I would like to throw in the towel and not come out (Friday), I’m just not one of those players,” he said. “There’s plenty of guys out here on Tour who would make an excuse about being injured (and withdraw). But I’ll show up and go out there and give it my all like I always do, and try to find something, try to play well, and move on.”

And, hopefully, move on to something better.